Have you ever felt like your happiness depends on what others think of you? Maybe you find yourself constantly seeking approval—whether it’s through social media likes, compliments, or reassurance from friends and family. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people, especially those who have faced rejection, trauma, or low self-esteem, rely on external validation to feel worthy.

But here’s the truth: relying on others to define your value is like building a house on shifting sand. It’s unstable, unpredictable, and ultimately leaves you feeling powerless. The good news? You can take your power back by learning to validate yourself.

Why Do We Crave External Validation?

From a young age, we are conditioned to seek approval. As children, we learn that good behavior earns praise and love, while mistakes lead to disappointment. This pattern follows us into adulthood—whether it’s impressing a boss, fitting in with friends, or meeting society’s expectations of success, beauty, or achievement.
For some, external validation becomes an emotional lifeline. If you’ve experienced neglect, rejection, or criticism in the past, you might struggle to believe in your worth without outside affirmation. The problem is, when your self-worth depends on others, you give away control of your happiness.

Signs You Might Be Relying Too Much on External Validation
• You feel anxious or upset when you don’t get praise or reassurance.
• You constantly compare yourself to others.
• You struggle to make decisions without asking for opinions.
• You over-apologise, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
• You feel empty or lost when you’re not being noticed or appreciated.
Sound familiar? If so, it’s time to shift the power back to you.

How to Reclaim Your Power Through Self-Validation

1. Recognise Your Own Achievements (Big and Small)

You don’t need applause to know you’re doing well. Start noticing and celebrating your own successes—whether it’s getting through a tough day, setting a boundary, or trying something new.
Example: Instead of waiting for someone to say, “I’m proud of you,” try telling yourself: “I did that, and I’m proud of myself.”

2. Define Your Own Worth

Who gets to decide that you are good enough? You do. Make a list of your strengths, values, and qualities that make you you. Your worth isn’t based on likes, approval, or other people’s opinions—it’s based on your character and actions.
Example: If you didn’t receive validation at work, instead of thinking, “They must not appreciate me,” try: “I did my best, and I’m proud of my effort.”

3. Get Comfortable with Discomfort

Seeking validation often comes from a fear of rejection. But rejection isn’t always a bad thing—it’s a normal part of life. Learning to sit with discomfort instead of running to others for reassurance builds inner strength.
Example: If a friend doesn’t text back immediately, instead of assuming the worst, remind yourself: “I am still valued and loved, even if someone isn’t available right now.”

4. Set Boundaries Without Guilt

When you stop relying on external validation, you stop feeling the need to please everyone. Saying no to things that drain you is an act of self-respect.
Example: If someone pressures you to do something you don’t want to do, try: “I appreciate the offer, but I’m prioritising my well-being.”

5. Reduce Social Media Dependence

It’s easy to seek validation through likes, comments, and online attention. Try taking breaks from social media or posting for yourself, not for approval.
Example: Instead of posting for validation, ask yourself, “Would I still enjoy this moment if no one else saw it?”

6. Speak to Yourself Like You Would a Friend

If your best friend was struggling, you wouldn’t tell them they weren’t good enough—you’d encourage them. So why not do the same for yourself?
Example: Replace self-criticism like “I’m not good enough” with “I am doing my best, and that is enough.”

7. Find Purpose in Being, Not Just Doing

Your worth is not tied to achievements or external praise. Focus on being present, enjoying the moment, and embracing yourself as you are.
Example: Instead of thinking, “I need to accomplish more to be valuable,” try: “I am worthy simply because I exist.”
Final Thoughts: You Are Enough
The most liberating thing you can do is validate yourself. When you stop seeking approval from the outside world and start trusting yourself, you take back control of your happiness. You become free.
So, the next time you catch yourself looking for validation, pause. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you are the only validation you truly need.

Because you, just as you are, are already enough.