A compassionate guide to healing the root of “not enoughness”

Dear Reader,

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “They’re doing it better than me”?

It’s such a quiet thought, yet it lands with a sting. In therapy, I hear this theme time and time again—whether it’s about parenting, relationships, career, or even healing itself.

But here’s what I want you to know:

Comparison isn’t your fault—and it’s not your truth.

It’s something you were taught. Conditioned to do. And that means,with compassion and gentle curiosity,you can unlearn it too.

Why Do We Compare So Much?

From childhood, many of us were measured against others:

“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”

“Look how well the other kids behave.”

These early moments leave a lasting imprint. They plant the belief that your worth must be earned—not simply felt. That love is conditional. That being “you” might not be enough.

This is often the birthplace of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and comparison anxiety.

What We Now Know About Trauma and Comparison

Recent research—and books like The Body Keeps the Score—show how even little t traumas (like criticism or emotional neglect) shape our self-esteem and create emotional survival strategies.

Over time, you may have learned to compare as a way to locate your worth. But what if that never worked in the first place?

 Top 5 Therapist Tips to Let Go of Comparison

Catch the Thought “Ah, there’s that comparison voice again.”

That’s all it is—a voice. Not a fact.

1. Speak to Your Younger Self “You don’t need to be like anyone else to be worthy of love.”
2. Redefine SuccessWhat do you value? Let that be your guide—not someone else’s highlight reel.
3. Clean Up Your FeedUnfollow or mute accounts that leave you feeling “less than.” Choose nourishment over noise.
4. Practise Daily Self-Compassion “I am allowed to grow at my own pace. I’m not behind—I’m becoming.”

 You Are Not Falling Behind—You’re Becoming

This is your gentle reminder:

You were never meant to be a carbon copy.

You are a story still unfolding. A life in process. A soul in bloom.

Let that be enough for today.

 If you’re ready to explore this further…

With gentleness,

Debbie

Counsellor | Trauma-Informed Therapist | myonlinecounsellor.org

 Helping you heal what hurts—and love who you are

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