Workplace tension is inevitable, but handling it well can make all the difference in maintaining your well-being and professional relationships. Whether it's a colleague who keeps cutting you off in meetings or an unresolved issue that's triggered old wounds, the key to resolving conflict starts with managing your own reaction. Here’s how to approach these difficult situations step by step.

Step 1: Breathe and Calm Your Nervous System

After an argument or stressful moment, take a few minutes to practice gentle, deep breathing. Focus on your diaphragm – let your belly rise on each inhale and fall on the exhale. This type of breathing helps calm your fight-or-flight response, allowing you to think more clearly. Remember to keep it gentle; forcing your breath too much can make you dizzy.

Step 2: Identify What’s Really Being Triggered

Once you've calmed down, reflect on the situation. Ask yourself what emotions were stirred up. Do you feel unheard, disrespected, or unworthy? These feelings might be linked to past experiences, such as being bullied or criticised during childhood. Acknowledge that part of your reaction could stem from these unresolved emotions, even if the current situation also justifies your feelings.

Step 3: Examine Your Self-Talk

Take a moment to check in on your internal dialogue. Are you being overly harsh or arrogant with yourself or others? As Buddhist nun Venerable Robina Courtin says, arrogance is often a mask for low self-esteem. Recognise if you’re inflating your sense of self-worth to protect deeper insecurities, and try to shift your self-talk to a more balanced, compassionate place.

Step 4: Decide Whether to Confront the Person

Now that you've calmed down and reflected, consider whether you still need to address the issue. Was your reaction based on an accurate interpretation of the situation, or were you seeing things through a narrow lens? If the issue is important – perhaps it affects your job, reputation, or a valuable relationship – then it might be worth discussing. If not, it may be better to let it go.

Step 5: Be Assertive in Your Communication

If you decide to confront the person, approach the conversation assertively but respectfully. This means treating them as an equal and listening to their side. When sharing your feelings, be specific about their behaviour and how it impacted you. For example, say, “I felt unvalued when you interrupted me several times in that meeting.” Then, clearly express what you’d like in the future: “I’d appreciate it if you could try not to interrupt me.”

Step 6: Accept the Outcome

This step can be the hardest. Even if you communicate respectfully and clearly, the other person may not respond well. If they react defensively or lash out, it’s crucial not to take their response personally. As long as you’ve been caring, honest, and owned your feelings, their reaction is not your responsibility. Accept where they are in their journey and decide whether you can continue the relationship, need to set stronger boundaries, or, if necessary, step away.

Takeaway

Conflict is uncomfortable, but by taking control of your reactions and communicating assertively, you can navigate these situations with more confidence and calm. It’s not always easy, and sometimes the outcome isn’t what we hope for, but practicing these steps will put you back in the driver’s seat, ready to handle whatever the workplace throws your way.